Distance Only I Know
by Little Lillymon
Summary: I know why you look at me the way you do. Not because you think I'm a ditzy brat, but because I know why you keep yourself so far away, because I was the one to figure out the identity behind your mask.-- Mimato.


So I never do this and I probably should start now... I do not own Digimon or the characters. :P ;P Okay, so you can start reading now.

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Yamato Ishida, do you remember that day? The day your cold demeanor faded and your proud posture shagged at realization from the words produced from my mouth. The day you realized the wall you had built for so many years had nearly shattered. That your façade was invisible to me, that I saw you for you?

I had always wondered why you treat others the way you do. Why don't have many friends, and why you're so closed off from your feelings. I always wondered what pursed at you to keep your self so far away and why it was such a big deal to accept help; why you felt the need to constantly buttheads with the people who wanted nothing more than to help, why you felt you were in competition with the rest of the world. I had always wondered why you didn't let people get close.

I often felt hurt when you would throw snide comments at me, calling me ditsy and annoying. It hurt because I was only trying to be nice. It stung when you said _there she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we do? _It stung because you meant I wasn't smart. But I went on with life believing you were truly a good person at heart, and that bugged you like mad.

I didn't leave you alone because you captivated me with your mysterious ways. I watched you, studied you for years. And when you found out you were some sort of mission, you closed off even more with a scowl thrown my way. That only made me want to know more about you. Yes, I did see you as a mission, but also saw you as so much more. I saw you as a friend that needed help, and you thought I saw you as pity cargo. That was never the case. I was only interested in you, which was new to you.

When I found out about your family past, my heart broke along with yours, and when I would try to ask you about it, you would change the subject or send me a death glare and I was silenced. I started catching on and you first noticed from the stare I was giving you. And I cursed myself because it was even harder to get you to open up to me. I still wondered why.

I began to understand the façade you wore. I know the expression you make when you're truly angry, I know the face you make when you want to hide the fact that you're sad. I know you run your hand through your hair when you're frustrated. I know the way your lips tug into a smirk when you want to prove the world that you know more than them, when you really don't. I know why you look at me the way you do. Not because you think I'm a ditsy brat, but because you see I'm starting to get to know you. Starting to understand you. But I still didn't know why you distanced yourself from your friends and me.

Since the day I witnessed TK telling you to leave him alone and he didn't need you in his life anymore; I saw your whole life story flash across your face. That's when I realized why you act the way you do. Because when the scene was over you looked shattered, but only for a moment and your cold exterior was back up. Because right then you saw that the last person you had in your life was gone; that you weren't needed anymore. So you closed off even more and downed in your music with your band. I found out that was your only source of comfort at the time.

Matt do you remember the night I came to your house to check up on you? I remember I wanted to tell you I was sorry if I was being too pushy. I wanted you to open up to me finally, but I got more than I bargained for. I know the real reason behind that kiss. That kiss that was so brutal and harsh, yet intoxicating at the same time; but only to get me to shut-up. Do you remember I gasped in pain, and nearly fell to the ground from the force that you pushed? And when it was over you nuzzled your head in the side of my neck so I couldn't read your expression right then. You distanced yourself from me in that moment so I couldn't see how much it pained you that you couldn't read my expression but I could read yours.

From that moment, I must admit things were a little awkward between us. But if you remember I didn't let that stop me from being around you. Because I wasn't going to abandon you, I wouldn't let you weather that storm alone. I try to say that you don't need to be so aloof. That I'm your friend, and I'm not going anywhere and you can talk to me. But yet again before I can finish my sentence, you kiss me with so much urgency and passion that I become lightheaded and return the kiss with just as much want.

Matt, can't you understand I want you for you, not because you're a great kisser or that you're in a band. I just want you to open up to me, but you always silence me with a kiss or an icy glare. Yamato I'm not going anywhere, I'm here and I'm here to stay.

My anger would flare up just as much as yours when I would hear our schoolmates whisper about you. Say your nothing but a rude and arrogant person. That you needed a reality check and you needed to stop being so broody. But only I knew why you acted that way. I had known for quite some time of the small little boy who was afraid of the world and other people. In hopes of being a jerk people wouldn't want to be your friend and leave you feeling heartbroken when they had all gone. But I know you're a good person at heart.

Do you remember the day I went to your house and you let me in with still that stone mask on. And when I said those five words you realized that I knew more than you wanted me to. _I'm not going anywhere Matt_ still rang in your ears as you tried to process what I just said. You gave me this look that I have seen multiple sent my way. But I know why you looked at me the way you did. Not because you thought I was an annoying, self-righteous brat, but because I saw you for who you were and that scared you.

You don't remember. Or you don't want to acknowledge the fact that I know so much about you. Can't you understand Matt that I probably know more about you than anyone else in the world? That _I'm not going anywhere?_ So you can stop trying to get me to hate you by calling me hurtful names, and kissing me to the point that my lips bleed. And you can finally stop wearing that damn mask that you think blocks me out, because _I am not going anywhere._

Matt only I know why you distance yourself from the world and me. You can let yourself love me because I love you just as much. I won't turn my back on you; you'll always be my friend. I know why you distance yourself, but you don't have to be afraid to open up and love. I know you've had bad experience in the past with what I'm saying, but I won't do that to you. You've got to listen to me when I say "I'm not going anywhere."

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Okay so this just popped into my head one day. No reason for it, kind of strange I guess. But hey it was fun to write. And I tried to get into Matt's character, but it was harder than I thought. I mean I think I got it down, but then I took it on my own? I don't know, you tell me in a review!

And I don't know if any of you recognized the line "there she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we do?" I took that from one of the episodes of Digimon. I don't remember the title, but Mimi was commenting on how cute all the Yokomon's were. :P

So leave a **review** before you click off the page. Thanks for reading.


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